A mom writes “Help—my adult son is giving up on his marriage!” Show Notes

Wednesday, March 19, 2014 Host(s): Dr. Bill Maier
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Dear Dr. Bill, 

I have a question about my son who’s been married for 2 and ½ years. He has recently asked for a divorce, because he says there’s no passion in their relationship.  I don’t know how to help my son — he’s resistant to counseling, and it looks like they’re simply going to throw their marriage away.  What do you suggest?

--Reyna

Dear Reyna,

Unfortunately, the majority of divorces in this country are what psychologists call “low conflict” divorces.  That means there are no huge fights, no domestic abuse; couples simply say they have “fallen out of love” and that their spouse is “no longer meeting their needs.”  

People who get divorced for these reasons don’t understand that marriage is much more than getting your personal needs met.  God created marriage to be a life-long commitment that involves self-sacrifice, forbearing with one another in love, and putting your spouse’s needs above your own.  

I don’t know if your son is a Christian, but it sounds like he doesn’t see it that way.  Sadly, there’s probably nothing you can do that will change his mind.  

The fact that he’s resistant to counseling tells me that he’s unwilling to look at how HE may have contributed to the marital problems.  All you can really do is pray for him and speak the truth in love.  

By the way, research shows that if people who are in unhappy marriages will just stick it out, a large percentage of them go on to describe their marriages as “very happy” five years later.  

On the other hand, those who get divorced describe themselves as just as unhappy five years down the line.

Thanks for writing, Reyna.  I’m Bill Maier for WBCL.

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