WisdomWorksheet –February 20, 2007 Moving from Conflict to Community
Cutting to the chase about conflict.
Are you caught or taught in the cycle of conflict in your life? A cycle repeats the same behavior. Conflict is literally defined as two objects attempting to occupy the same space at the same time (from the Latin words con meaning “together” and fligere meaning “to strike”). Two toddlers want the same toy. Two teenagers make simultaneous plans to use the same car. Two adults desire the same job. Two bills draw on the same, overextended checking account. Two companies seek the same customers. Two churches ask the same person for his time, talent, and treasures.
What or who do we choose? Is conflict a zero sum game? Does someone always have to lose when another wins? Does conflict always have to be a crisis of “either or?” In his attempt to lead his people three thousand years ago, King Solomon had the same questions about conflict. So when God offered him the opportunity to choose anything that God could give him, Solomon chose wisdom (1 Kings 3:5-15). Consequently, the world flocked to the king for his discernment in their conflict. The wisdom of his first judicial decision rang throughout the kingdom in a story that demonstrated Solomon’s Cycle of Wise Conflict Management—moving through conflict to community.
Conflict is either positive or negative (1 Kings 3:16-22).
Not all conflict is bad. Positive conflict includes two good objects attempting to occupy the same space at the same time such as the scenario in lifting weights, studying, or working. Negative conflict (arguments, fist-fights, or cheating) includes at least one bad option and is usually a result of sinful behavior. That was the scene in Solomon’s first case when two prostitutes arrived with their story. They had lived together, each giving birth to a child within three days of each other. During the night one smothered her child in her sleep. When she discovered her nightmare, she exchanged her dead baby for her sleeping roommate’s live infant. The dawn of the new day brought negative conflict—two women wanted the same live baby, but only one was his true mother.
PAUSE
and Let Wisdom Work
Conflict presents us with a choice that will be either wise or foolish (1 Kings 3:23-25).
King Solomon was presented with a choice; his would be either wise or foolish. After confirming his understanding of the conflict brought before him, Solomon called for a sword so that he could cut the live baby in half, giving half to one woman and half to the other. His wisdom was about to uncover one woman’s truth and another woman’s pretense.
PAUSE
and Let Wisdom Work PAUSE
and Let Wisdom Work
Choice brings change which reveals either truth or pretense (1 Kings 3:26).
The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her baby. Consequently, she begged the king to give the child to the other prostitute who challenged King Solomon to carry out the execution so that neither would have him. Solomon’s wise choice revealed one woman’s truth and another woman’s pretense.
Change affects community which is either deepened or lessened (1 Kings 3:27-28).
Solomon gave the baby to the mother who had pleaded for his life because her self-sacrificial heart revealed that she was his true mother. Solomon’s wise choice revealed the truth about the conflict causing all Israel to hold the king in awe for his wisdom. Solomon’s wise choice led to deepened community.
Too often, we respond to conflict with a foolish choice that leads to pretense—we continue to hide the truth, and our relationships suffer. The result is lessened community. The hinge point that determines whether we move through conflict to deepened community is a wise choice.
Summary
Conflict presents a choice. Choice brings change. Change affects community. Community creates conflict. Solomon left us a legacy of nearly one thousand wise sayings for dealing with conflict assembled in the book of Proverbs, meaning “generally true most of the time.” The opposite of wisdom is foolishness, and generally true most of the time, left to ourselves, our choices are foolish. Thus, we find ourselves caught in the cycle of negative conflict followed by foolish choices that bring the change of pretense which lessens community. Since three millennia have not changed man’s fallen nature, God’s wisdom is still relevant to us today. Through the study of Proverbs, we can be taught to move from the foolish side of conflict’s equation to the wise one, from the crisis of “either or” in conflict to the “both and” of community discovered through wisdom: both God’s righteousness and street smarts.
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Pause and Let Wisdom Work
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