A young woman writes: “Help—my fiancée is addicted to porn!” Show Notes

Tuesday, September 25, 2012 Host(s): Dr. Bill Maier
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Dear Dr. Bill,

My fiancé and I are both 24 years old and in grad school. When we first started dating, he admitted he had a problem with pornography — but he said it wasn’t very often. At the time, I believed we could overcome it together. But two years later it seems to be worse. He’s honest and tells me about it, but he admits it’s an addiction. Is this something that should make me reconsider the marriage?

--Nicole

Dear Nicole,

Unfortunately you’re not alone. Millions of young men—and many married men--view it on a regular basis. 

The good news is that your fiancé understands that viewing pornography is harmful to him and to your relationship. Tragically, many men don’t see using porn as a problem, and some even believe it will “spice up” their marriage. This couldn’t be further from the truth.

I’d suggest that your fiancé seek out a Christian therapist who specializes in treating pornography addiction. The counseling process will take some time—you shouldn’t expect an “overnight cure.” 

Also, it’s important that the therapist addresses the spiritual aspects of his addiction as well as the emotional ones. Viewing pornography is a sin, as it violates God’s intent for human sexuality.

The therapist may bring you into the counseling process as well, since his use of porn will be a factor if you move forward into marriage.

If your fiancée is willing to take these steps and demonstrates a real willingness to change, there is no reason to call off the engagement. However, I would suggest you postpone the wedding until you are confident that he is on the road to recovery. 

Thanks for writing Nicole. If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Questions” link on the Culture Connection page.

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