A mom worries about her husband’s temper—and its impact on her two young sons. Show Notes

Tuesday, August 05, 2014 Host(s): Dr. Bill Maier
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Dear Dr. Bill,

I’m concerned about my two young sons.  I have an angry husband who had an angry father, and HE had an angry father, my husband’s grandfather.  I am now seeing these tendencies in our sons.  What should I do?


Dear Becky,

The best way to help your sons with their anger problem is for your husband to get help for HIS anger problem.  

Kids learn how to deal with life and relationships mainly from their parents.  Your husband is angry because HE had an angry father, and now he’s passing that pattern on to your sons.  

The bible calls this “generational sin.”  Your husband, through no fault of his own, was sinned against by his angry father.  That in turn has caused him to sin against you and your sons by taking out his anger on you.  

Your family needs to break the pattern and the responsibility rests on you and your husband.  I would encourage you to approach him in love, when he’s not angry, and tell him you are concerned about the behavior you’re seeing in your sons.  Ask him to consider if it could be possible that they are learning the angry responses from him.  

Hopefully he has the ability to step back, look at his own actions, take responsibility for his behavior and make changes.  If that’s the case, then find a good therapist who has experience in dealing with anger-management.  Eventually the entire family should be involved in the counseling process, to learn more effective ways to communicate and resolve conflict.

If your husband is unwilling to acknowledge that he has a problem and simply responds with more anger or blaming, then you should seek help and support from close friends or relatives.  I’d also suggest you read Dr. James Dobson’s book “Love Must be Tough.”  

Thanks for writing Becky.  I’m Bill Maier for WBCL.
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