Dear Dr. Bill,
My ex-husband and I were divorced several years ago because he was not committed to spending time with our son. He was not a Christian at the time. But since then, he found the Lord and has changed dramatically. As a result, we are thinking about getting remarried. We both feel like our past issues have been sorted out, but we’re a little unsure of how long we should wait before making this new commitment. What do you suggest?
First of all, let me tell you how encouraged I was to read your e-mail. In a day when divorce is so rampant and reconciliation is so rare, it was truly a blessing to hear your story.
Regarding your question, it’s hard to give you a specific timeline for remarriage. You say that your “past issues have been sorted out,” but other than the parenting problem, I’m wondering what other issues you’ve worked through.
Also, you mention that your husband has dramatically changed since his conversion, but you’re a bit unsure about remarriage. That leads me to believe you may still have some lingering concerns.
Jesus tells us that a “good tree produces good fruit.” Given your past, it’s important to see the “good fruit” of your husband’s conversion manifested over time before you jump back into marriage. Your son has already been impacted by your divorce, and you certainly don’t want to make matters worse by remarrying and then splitting up again if things don’t work out.
My advice would be to meet with a family therapist who can help you determine the best course of action. He or she can help you fully explore whether you are truly ready for remarriage.
Thanks for writing Lexi. If you have a question for me about family issues or Christian living, click the “Questions” tab on the Culture Connection page.